It’s even funnier when you realize he was talking to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

PSA! gfycat.com is shutting down and deleting all content and data on the site on September 1, 2023. if you have any fav gifs hosted there, grab them NOW!!!!

Yo I just downloaded this thing and hammered out 3000 words????? Which is more than I’ve written in years????????

Hey I’ve accidentally written 20,000 words in six days.

Very good.

Chop 1 onion and put it in a pot.

Add 1 or 2 cans of diced tomatoes. Whatever makes the ratio of onion look right.

Add a ridiculous amount of frozen peas. Peas should make up a notable portion of this sauce.

Add frozen corn also if you wanna be real fancy. If I have bacon, I'll add that too, but I very rarely have bacon.

Cook on HIGH.

While sauce is cooking, grab the nearest bottle of mixed spices that isn't obviously for desserts. Add some. How much? I dunno, enough that you feel like you've added seasoning so it's technically cooking. (For me this is most often a mix called Moroccan, but it could be anything. I've reorganised my kitchen recently so tonight it was something called Pizza Topping.)

If you happen to have green herbs lying around, add those too. Whatever you have on hand that's green.

Let the sauce boil on HIGH until all the water is gone. Stir occasionally so the saucepan will be easier to clean later. Serve on cooked spaghetti noodles with no cheese.

Today I added a new step called "while the sauce is cooking, duck out for 15 seconds to post about spaghetti sauce on Tumblr, then get distracted and forget you are cooking." This adds a novel Extremely Burnt edge to the flavour profile.

I am not Italian, or of Italian descent by *any* stretch of the imagination.

I am also not one of those "cooking purists", who believes that everything must be done in a specific/ traditional way (unless you are making a cooking video with the title "how to make x" in which case if you don't specify mid video that your way is not traditional god help you).

I am a firm believer in "If it tastes good, then it is correct for you".

Except in this case.

This hurts every cooking bone in my body. The latent ancestors in my soul. The judgmental elf in my brain just bit a cyanide capsule.

Why? The spices.
Using a different spice mix every time, based on what is ready at hand just ... hurts.

Absolurl I deranged, Derin. Food crimes.

I don't know what sweating the onions means

It means. It means you cook em a little in a pan with a bit of oil first.

A pan? How many dishes do you want me to have to wash here?

I mean you can also do it in the same pot you're making the spaghetti sauce in! The important thing is the onions get a little cooked before the wet stuff goes in, so they're not so wet and limp and boiled....

Honestly this depends entirely on whether I remember to chop an onion first or I find the can opener for the tomatoes first. The ingredients go in in whatever order they go in.

Derin who hurt you

A pack of wild chefs herded my mother off a cliff

Theres probably a hit out on you for this

What kind of stupid idiot would waste money assassinating someone who's so clearly going to accidentally poison themself for free at some point

#op out here makin warm salsa#qqq

Well when you put it like that it sounds bad

You've never met me but I want you to know that you have described exactly how I make pasta sauce

We shall have a summer wedding

We won't pass down our pasta sauce recipe to our children. They will just know